Mascara wands and education

The first time I used mascara, I put it on my eyebrows. I remember I found the wand in my Grandmas bathroom. My Grandma, I believed to be very sophisticated and expensive and this is why she had things like bathtubs that were oval shaped with jets and mascara wands just lying about. I thought, I can always just wash it off after I use it. no one will ever know.

After realizing what I had done, that my eyebrows were way to dark, that this looked wrong, that I didnt know what I was doing, I took soap and toilet paper and scrubbed at my eyebrows attempting to get rid of any hint of the black mascara, I remember going downstairs and my mom giggled at me, asking what I had done to myself. why my eyebrows were so red (from my scrubbing) and also dark at the same time.

Before you laugh, let me give you some context, you bully.

My Mom is a hippy. No she doesnt smoke pot or let her armpit hair grow like she used to, but she does have hair down to her waste, long and wavy and soft and she wears things like natural deodarant, doesn't take showers everyday and only went through a very brief period of time when I was a teenager when she even touched mascara. and this was because I told her to.

I never learned about the stuff.
I never wore it or played with it as a kid or knew how to put it on.
No one ever took mascara and put it in my hand and taught me how to stroke it on carefully from underneath and on top, or how to curl the eyelashes. I only knew at that age how to catch bugs with my brothers and swing a baseball bat or climb into the woods that felt so familiar.

I think it is the same with emotions.

I have a friend who is very brave and very afraid all at the same time. This friend is like a butterfly with a damaged wing or a dog with three legs. there is a story below the layers she wears to comfort her wounds and hide from people out to harm or hurt her.

why do you do that? why are you so easily angry?
why are you so harsh and soft at the same time?

often it is because we are hiding.
often is is because it is what we are used to doing, something we always needed to do, and you can offer yourself, clear and simple without condition to a person that has been hurt and it will not make them feel safe right away.

Sometimes you have to press in. soemtimes it takes years.


Still, she is determined to fly to make it to walk.
because of all of this, I think she is very very very brave.